The Purina Diet

[grizzlyzone]

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dogs, and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog...Duh! I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her "NO". I told her I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said no...I'd been sitting in the middle of the street licking my butt when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy would have to be carried out of the store.

---

I didn't write this originally, but I thought that I would share it.

The above post is dedicated to fattastic, who has posted similar stories in the past.

Comments

[porpus-terroris.livejournal.com]

Ha. I like it all except the butt-licking part, with that the story must've lost all believability for the shoppers.

The serial killer Ted Bundy, I remember reading once in a book, used to keep dry dog food in his pockets and munch on it. This was early on in his life and done mostly because he was poor. The author said it was a 'habit,' and that he had trouble breaking it.

[grizzlyzone.livejournal.com]

...with that the story must've lost all believability for the shoppers.

It was supposed to. That's when everone learns that it's all a joke.

[porpus-terroris.livejournal.com]

It loses all appeal there, for me. If it were not said that he was hit by a car in that way, that instead he simply blacked out one day, the shoppers would go home and tell their loved-ones about this man and his dogfood diet. Some may even haved started eating dogfood themselves.

I don't believe a word of this tale anymore.

[grizzlyzone.livejournal.com]

The line about getting hit by the car was what's known as a "punchline". It informs one's audience that what you are saying is unreal and that what they have been listening to is a joke. The idea is not to gt people to eat dog food. That would be one of those "uraban legends" you hear about.

[porpus-terroris.livejournal.com]

Well, I guess that's where we're different. I'd prefer the ability to make people eat dogfood then to make them laugh.

[strongaxe.livejournal.com]

This is HILARIOUS! :)

[grizzlyzone.livejournal.com]

I thought so, too. My big sister thinks that this is something I actually did. (She knows me all too well.) But, I can't claim credit for it. (I just wish I could.)

The best I've done is at the supermarket when the cashier asks if I want to redeem some of my S&H Greenpoints (Welcome to the 21st Century.) for some of my grocery items.

I tell them "no", because if you save up one million S&H Greenpoints, you can redeem them for a world cruise! I have had them falling for it "hook, line and sinker".

[strongaxe.livejournal.com]

A few years ago, Pepsi did a promotion offering "Pepsi Points" that you could trade in for various prizes. One thing they offered was a Harrier Jet for 7 million points (and which could be purchased for $700,000 cash). One guy tried to cash in on it, Pepsi refused, so he sued them. Full story here (or a web search for: jet pepsi-points)