"Don't forget Jesus. Jesus and Batman and Spartacus; all of them honorary Republicans."
"Sometimes when we focus too much on who will lead our country, we lose sight of the important things, like celebrity babies."
"The televangelists who say [Hurricane] Katrina was retribution against gays, that the Catholic Church is the great whore, and John McCain should be president... Mr. McCain is alright with the first two, as long as he hears the third."
"Too bad you couldn't find out who was in charge of the organization that planned 9/11 and put him on trial. What was his name again? Whatever happened to him?"